Photo by Arnel Hasanovic
We all heard statements like "relationship isn't easy", "dating is tough", "marriage is constant hard work," blah-blah.
Don't believe that for a second, because if you do, it will be hard and tough and rough and everything they said it would be.
The truth is, having a relationship with someone you love is incredible and inspiring and, yes, challenging, but entirely doable and rewarding!
Separation is tough. Solitude is unbearable. Loneliness kills more people than a stroke. That's something to think about.
In my eyes, the secret to a great relationship is the ability to talk, to sit down with your partner, and align your expectations. Be honest with each other and speak your mind, tell what you want from life, what your plans are for the next 5-15 years, what do you want to do, what do you expect to achieve, where do you want to live, kids or no kids, a dog or a cat, and critical one - what would be a dealbreaker for you?
And besides being honest with each other, more importantly, to be honest with yourself.
Don't overpromise or pretend to be someone you are not.
If you are not a hiker, don't let him assume that you are. Otherwise, you will have to act FO-RE-VER and forever sounds like a long time to me.
Don't expect your partner to change his mind over time. Most likely, he won't.
If your partner is sure he wants to stay a bachelor forever, he either will, or he might marry eventually, but someone else. Don't waste your time.
People don't change, we think they do or they might, but they don't.
If your boyfriend is charming as hell, funny, smart, attractive, and the lady's man, don't expect him to be "domestic and cut" when he finally puts a ring on that finger.
It's a no-win situation. If you manage to domesticate your "party animal," the second you succeed, you'll be the who is bored with this well-behaved boy. And if you fail, you'd feel like this wasn't what you signed up for.
Align your expectations.
You both have expectations and hopes. You anticipate, and so does he.
He doesn't expect you to gain weight or stop wearing makeup or heels. He wants you to be as beautiful, funny, polished, elegant, smart as you were when he met you.
So when you stop spending hours on waxing, reading, growing, he will also feel cheated.
In other words, if you don't want to get "a cat in the sack" or be that very cat, stay true to yourself and be honest with your partner from day one.
Surprise, but never break your partner's trust.
What is trust in the relationship? When you do what your partner expects you to do and don't do what he doesn't expect you to do. Easy. Here you have his rust, he knows that he can rely on you, he is confident in you, which is a pretty big deal in any relationship.
Coming back to where I started, open communication is everything.
From my personal experience, I know that it's not easy to open up even to the closest person. You will have to expose your vulnerable side, get out of your comfort zone, not choke on your own feelings or words.
But it has to be done, and trust me, it gets easier over time.
And if the topic is susceptible and you can't get words out of your mouth, writing is an option too; you can write a letter to your partner. It's not exactly the same, but it's a step in the right direction.
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