Photo by Dulcey Lima
I have always compared myself to other people. I remember looking at some girls thinking: "oh, she is so beautiful, skinny, tall, elegant, her nose is perfect, her hair is long and shiny, her smile, her posture, her personality, her style...
I thought I was admiring, maybe competing in some way, but no, I was comparing.
Because after all, those compliments and admiration there it was, a bitter aftertaste of comparison. It wasn't just "She is so skinny" it was I am not as skinny as her, and most likely, I would never be.
I couldn't understand that I'm also attractive and charming in my own way. In my head, I had to compete, and I was always loosing.
Every time I would depreciate myself. I was not good enough in my own eyes.
Browsing the net one day, I found Leon Festinger's research. In 1954, psychologist Leon Festinger suggested that people compare themselves to others in order to fulfill a basic human desire: the need for self-evaluation. He called this process social comparison theory.
Social comparison is a bi-directional phenomenon where we can compare ourselves to people who are better than us—"upward comparison"—or worse than us—"downward comparison." And whatever you personally choose to do, your self-esteem either goes up or down.
I believe back in 1954, Social Comparison wasn't that big of an issue as it is nowadays, with Social Media being a huge part of our lives. Now we compare ourselves not just with our neighbors or colleagues, people of the same age or background, we compare ourselves with people of completely different backgrounds, status, age, and, most importantly, different from ours photoshop skills.
The truth is, nothing is black or white. Even social comparison can be a good thing; it might make you work harder, run faster, or be better. But it also can completely drain you and destroy the self-worth. You are the Master of your Universe, and only you can decide what to do about it.
"Comparison is a thief of joy" when I heard that phrase, I felt like I got electrocuted. That how strong my insight was.
By comparing to others, I'm simply robbing myself of feeling worthy.
How can I compare myself with anyone? I am unique, and so as any other person on this planet.
We all have different stories, paths, missions, and scars. We all are a part of a bigger system. But we are different elements, with different roles and functions.
Next time you look at someone, and your brain starts comparing, think of the following: what's going to happen if you compare a banana to an orange - well, both are fruits, both are delicious, one is rich in Potassium, another in vitamin C, both are good for you, and you choose according to your liking.
The main thing is both a banana and an orange are very different but equally worthy, valuable, and tasty.
We don't even realize that, but the comparison is exhausting. Why don't we reinvest all that energy we spent on the others into ourselves, our wellbeing, health, beauty, career, the success? Instead of watching "the other guy," why don't we just focus on ourselves?
Our attention is pure energy; it's a currency, and if you give it away so effortlessly, what is there left for you?
For all the girls and boys out there, if you compare yourself to anyone, please stop.
You can admire the other person, she/he can be your motivation or inspiration, but please don't compare.
YOU are who YOU are, and that person is who she or he is.
We are different, and it's marvelous. Be yourself and compare yourself to yourself.
That what motivates me now to be better or stronger or healthier. Me yesterday and Me today.
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