When a child is born, he doesn’t have any knowledge or social skills just yet, so to learn all those things he is looking at his parents to copy their behavior. And besides the fact that being a parent is a huge responsibility we should also keep in mind that we are first teachers and role models for our children. Like it or not but child is an extension of you, your words and your doings.
A child learns how to speak, how to behave and even how to react to different things watching his mother and father and acting following their example.
When I was a teen, like 13-14 years old, all I dreamed of and all I wished for Christmas and Birthdays was my parents to get a divorce.
I know, I know, super sad. When all my peers wished for PlayStation or cell phones, computers or maybe a puppy I kept on fantasizing how my life would be if my parents finally split up.
It was a phase of 10+ years when my parents had the kind of “love/hate” relationship. They were yelling at each other first thing in the morning, during the day and just before my sister and I went to bed. They were fights and arguments about huge things, big things, small things, tiny things, essential things, and insignificant things. 24/7, occasionally they did stop to take a breath so they can continue with more energy!
It was exhausting for me. I was looking at them and thinking that apart they would be so much better than together. And also I thought that when I grow up, I would have it differently, I would be super happy and in total harmony in my relationship when the time comes.
And guess what happened? When I finally grew up and met my first boyfriend, with whom I actually spent almost 5 years, my relationship was the spitting image of the relationship between my mom and dad. Can you believe that? The thing I was most trying to avoid actually brought me the place I least wanted to be.
I was repeating some kind of “preinstalled program” if you know what I mean?
Looking back I realize how unhealthy, unhappy and painful those times were, but at the moment it felt like that was how it’s supposed to be. I didn’t know better, I’d say.
When that relationship was over, I realized it was all me, my choices, my decisions, my responsibility.
I spent years reading, attending seminars and all possible self-developing courses and lessons. I’ve learned about positive thinking, the power of intention, our subconscious, even about Feng Shui. I wanted it all. I absorbed like a sponge all motivational speeches. I needed some kind of understanding of who I was, where I was going and how to be a better person. There was so much of self-analysis and digging. And with the years it all paid off.
My next relationship was better, the next one even better and now when I am finally happily married, it’s the absolute best.
Life is constant learning. You learn from the others, and you learn from yourself. Elder you get, more conscious you become.
Once I heard “If all our childhood traumas were left in the childhood, psychologists would have nothing to work with then.”
It makes sense to me now, but it also took a long time to comprehend it.
In my case the moment I realized what I was doing, how I was acting, whose relationship I was imitating, that was the moment when I started changing it. Because before I was just unconsciously following the code/program, I’ve learned in my childhood. Without giving it a second thought. And now it’s bigger than personal life and my happiness, it’s about all spheres in my life. I'm more present, more conscious and more straightforward with myself.
Before I felt like Alice “when you don’t know where you are going any road will get you there” You need to see clearly where you want to be and whom you want to become, otherwise your fears or traumas, bad experiences or some kind of inner codes will bring you somewhere you don’t want to be.
I want this post to be beneficial and maybe even inspiring for somebody who is going through something similar.
You can do more than you can imagine, you are more than your background, and you are the one who can be a role model for somebody else.
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